It's weird. I'm surrounded by all good true friends (I suppose), but it feels that no one's there. "I feel so alone.." I feel so alone.
I learned in my philosophy class that being alone is not only evidenced by the physical fact that no one is near you or no one is with you. It a state that you feel so alone in this world. It's a state that no one cares or notices your being.. your exsistence.. your intersubjectivity. Those are the times that you feel really lonely even if a whole class is with you; or the whole world is revolving with you... if all of them doesn't notice your exsistence, YOU'RE ALONE... I'M ALONE.
Today, I just feel that way. I feel that no one is there. True friends are there. I do have them. The question is.. DO THEY ALSO HAVE ME?
1 comment:
Napagdaanan ko na ito a numerous times, iyong feeling na parang walang nakapapansin sa iyo. Times when everyone seems to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear to you. Iyong parang nandyan ka nga, but it's no big deal to them.
Na may mga kaibigan ka nga, pero hindi mo alam kung dadamay ba sila sa iyo. If you are of any importance to them or not, dahil para sa iyo, importante sila. May feeling of fear kasi na baka i-reject ka nila sakaling lumapit ka sa kanila.
Noon, talagang nagkulong ako sa sarili kong shell. Kung ayaw nila akong kausapin, di ko rin sila kakausapin. Ika nga eh, manigas sila. Kailangan sila ang lumapit sa akin.
Pero I tell you. Mahirap, at mas masakit. Mas sinasaktan mo ang sarili mo kung magkukulong ka.
Kaya, subukan mong lapitan ang mga kaibigan mo. Maging honest ka sa kanila and tell them what you feel. Baka hinihintay ka lang nilang lumapit, baka nangingimi lang silang lumapit sa iyo. Ewan, it's really up to you to find out.
I even posted a similar matter on my blog (http://myjanpackedlife.blogspot.com/2007/01/pain-of-soliloquys.html). Baka makatulong iyong suggestion ko sa iyo. :)
-Jan
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